My Cheesy Friendship Post

    For a lot of my life (not that it's been that long), I have had times where I felt as if I did not have enough friends. I think pretty much everyone has felt that way at some point. I still feel a little bit like that to this day sometimes. There was also a time when I had no close friends at all whatsoever. I remember looking through the contacts in my phone in my 17 year old state of boredom-induced depression, thinking "there is not a single person in here I could call right now." But pity party over, because I wouldn't take that time back. As awful as it was, it taught me the importance of friendships and how to treat people properly in order to keep them close.
    These days, I feel like I have finally found my "group". I have a very level-headed core group of friends who do nothing but bring me up, never down. We are all extremely driven to have a high level of success in our individual endeavors, which means we keep each other motivated because we see each other working hard. My best friends are my biggest cheerleaders for everything I do, and I try to be theirs.
    When faced with the possibility of spending my summer in New York City at an internship I probably couldn't have even dreamed possible to exist, I thought "this is not something you could ever do, Sarah." In my eyes, I could never imagine doing something that terrifying; I'm the anxious, quiet girl who is susceptible to panic attacks when laying in my own bed. I trip over my own feet at least twice a day. I find it difficult to speak at a volume that can reach the average persons ear. I could not go to New York...I would be begging my parents to let me fly back two days in. My friends thought otherwise. The amount of times I heard "you have to go to New York" come out of their mouths is not a countable number. They drilled it into my head so that I started to believe I actually could be able to do it. And now I'm going to do it, the horribly scary thing; but thanks to my friends I am no longer thinking of it only in that way...maybe it won't just be horribly scary. Maybe it will be a life-altering adventure. And I know I have to give myself some credit, but I would be in such a state of disarray without my closest friends. As one of my best friends likes to put it when talking about our friendship "without you, I would be drunk under my desk."
    The point of this story is, surrounding yourself with people who will outright tell you they are proud of you, that you can do it, that they believe in you; those are the kinds of people to have in your life. And I am eternally grateful I have them.

"You were born with the ability to change someone's life. Dont ever waste it."

So I was scrolling away through pinterest looking at quotes, because if you know me at all, you will know at least one thing about me; I am a bit of a quote w-.... addict. The cheesy, inspirational kind. And so I came across this one, and it is so simple yet so powerful to me. It relates to what I aspire to do in my life as a psychologist.

"You were born with the ability to change someone's life. Dont ever waste it."

I'm not seeking a career in psychology/therapy so that I can be a life-changer. I am seeking it because I want to be a life helper. The quote says that you were born with the ability to change someones life. Well I was born with a few difficulties (as was everyone). I had Selective Mutism (here is where a scientific definition would be, but I'm not feeling it. If anyone is actually reading this, google is your friend!) Basically, it's when you're a kid and you have so much anxiety that it culminates into you not speaking in social situations. So long story short, I didn't talk at school or in public or to anyone other than 10 people for twelve years. And once I was a bit older, I developed panic disorder where I had panic attacks on a semi-frequent basis. Throughout high school I considered my panic attacks and my past with SM as a large, pointless burden. I cried to my counselor that it "just wasn't fair" and asked "why does this have to happen to ME?" (Can you tell I was 14 at the time?) I was frustrated with the world or whatever had thrust this seemingly unnecessary suffering onto me, but I tried to ignore it and live a normal, happy, high-schooler life.

Then high school ended and the summer before college was halfway gone, and my anxiety went berserk. To the point where I could not leave the house, where I could not go six hours without seriously thinking I was going to die due to my latest horrible panic attack. Low points included holding the phone for an hour with my thumb resting on the 9 when I was home alone, and having my parents pick me up from my dorm because I was in such a terrified state.

And then it got better. I continued to live in my dorm, I pushed through the panic and went to my classes. I made a best friend and therefore lifeline out of my room mate. And by christmas break, I came to a revelation of sorts. I had always wanted to go into psychology because I was sensitive and I liked helping people and giving them advice. But I came to a realization that this burden I had complained about to my high school counselor, this "unnecessary suffering" could have a purpose after all. It gave me insight. Insight to help other kids with SM, a problem few people really understand, let alone know about. Insight to where I could tell others with anxiety that I had been to hell and back with panic attacks, and that you.will.be.alright. Maybe I can change someones life, who knows. But really all I want to do is help. And the struggles in my life have given me the ability to. So I will not put to waste the crappy things I had to go through. I will not waste my ability to help someone. I will not.

Wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, number one oh my me my.

My name is Sarah.

That is the most uninventive, predictable, ordinary way to start a blog.

Oh well.

Here are the basics. I am just another college kid with a google plus blog typing out whatever I feel because I'm bored and I'm alright at writing, and I apparently think I'm funny and clever seeing as I named my blog "sarahnadingyou." (I'm not going to lie that I was pretty excited when I found that that domain wasn't taken.) I'm an introvert. I'm a psychology nerd. I have red hair (somehow I find this important.) I apparently like parenthesis. I tend to read instead of go to raging college parties, though I have been to a few. I like football. I am a hopeless romantic who can go on rants about how brilliant certain Taylor Swift lyrics are. Don't write me off just for loving a good lyric! I am quiet and reserved to the outside world, but at the same time will often be the one to keep a conversation going in a group of people that may not know each other well. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, which I will address at a later time. I give a lot of advice, probably too much. I let myself feel things full heartedly, which is a good and a bad thing. I am a deep thinker but at the same time very silly and I make ridiculously stupid jokes. I am self absorbed because I just realized no one is going to want to read all about my personality unless they read something else I wrote first and decided they wanted to know more about me. Whoops.

I titled my blog "I'm Just Saying" because I tend to word-vomit (mean girls anyone?) quite a lot, or at least I always say what's on my mind. Justifying saying it by adding "I'm just saying" to the end.

So that's me. This is my blog. I might end up ditching it, this is kind of an experiment. But until then I hope to fill it with random thoughts, rants, and reviews. If you read this and you don't already know me....you're a saint. Or you're really really bored.

You have just been sarahnaded.