So I was scrolling away through pinterest looking at quotes, because if you know me at all, you will know at least one thing about me; I am a bit of a quote w-.... addict. The cheesy, inspirational kind. And so I came across this one, and it is so simple yet so powerful to me. It relates to what I aspire to do in my life as a psychologist.
"You were born with the ability to change someone's life. Dont ever waste it."
I'm not seeking a career in psychology/therapy so that I can be a life-changer. I am seeking it because I want to be a life helper. The quote says that you were born with the ability to change someones life. Well I was born with a few difficulties (as was everyone). I had Selective Mutism (here is where a scientific definition would be, but I'm not feeling it. If anyone is actually reading this, google is your friend!) Basically, it's when you're a kid and you have so much anxiety that it culminates into you not speaking in social situations. So long story short, I didn't talk at school or in public or to anyone other than 10 people for twelve years. And once I was a bit older, I developed panic disorder where I had panic attacks on a semi-frequent basis. Throughout high school I considered my panic attacks and my past with SM as a large, pointless burden. I cried to my counselor that it "just wasn't fair" and asked "why does this have to happen to ME?" (Can you tell I was 14 at the time?) I was frustrated with the world or whatever had thrust this seemingly unnecessary suffering onto me, but I tried to ignore it and live a normal, happy, high-schooler life.
Then high school ended and the summer before college was halfway gone, and my anxiety went berserk. To the point where I could not leave the house, where I could not go six hours without seriously thinking I was going to die due to my latest horrible panic attack. Low points included holding the phone for an hour with my thumb resting on the 9 when I was home alone, and having my parents pick me up from my dorm because I was in such a terrified state.
And then it got better. I continued to live in my dorm, I pushed through the panic and went to my classes. I made a best friend and therefore lifeline out of my room mate. And by christmas break, I came to a revelation of sorts. I had always wanted to go into psychology because I was sensitive and I liked helping people and giving them advice. But I came to a realization that this burden I had complained about to my high school counselor, this "unnecessary suffering" could have a purpose after all. It gave me insight. Insight to help other kids with SM, a problem few people really understand, let alone know about. Insight to where I could tell others with anxiety that I had been to hell and back with panic attacks, and that you.will.be.alright. Maybe I can change someones life, who knows. But really all I want to do is help. And the struggles in my life have given me the ability to. So I will not put to waste the crappy things I had to go through. I will not waste my ability to help someone. I will not.
